Travelling With A Toddler

So you're thinking of embarking on a long plane journey - just you and your toddler?

Need some advice?

Don't.

Seriously.  Just don't.

If you're going to anyway because you have to, or you're totally insane and think it couldn't be all that bad (I fell into this category), then I have some more advice ...

1. Take LOTS of outfit changes for your toddler.  Either that, or bring along some waterproof clothes - ones that keep the food/drinks out, and the crazy runny poop in (what is it about plane journey's that stuffs up small stomachs?).

2. Be prepared to have a very close audience when you go the toilet.  You're probably used to having an audience when you go to the loo anyway, but taking your little one with you when you need to pee (or whatever) on an airplane toilet is a lot more .... erm ... confined.  Be prepared as well for questions like "Wot dat mummy?" when you're trying to pull your pants up right in front of them (and I mean RIGHT in front of them!).

3. Lose any TV restrictions at the check-in gate.  TV is your bestest buddy on a long plane journey.  God bless the Wiggles - I couldn't have done it without them.

4. Be prepared for many toddler meltdowns and at least 1 very large mummy (or daddy) meltdown.  So large that the rest of the passengers become a little fearful looking when you make eye-contact afterwards.

5. Be prepared to get no sleep whatsoever.  Firstly your toddler probably won't sleep that much, which means you can't either.  Then, when they do finally manage to stop talking/prodding/screaming/throwing things and go to sleep, you can't go to sleep since you're holding them in a strange position, or you're sitting on the edge of your seat so they have enough room to sleep, or you're now so used to staying awake no matter what, that you can't go to sleep even though you feel like you're about to implode from tiredness.

6.  And finally, once you arrive and have gulped down a very large glass of wine, be prepared to totally forget all about how horrific the last X number of hours was as you thank the Wright Brothers for allowing you to travel safely 1/2 way around the world so that you can share your most precious thing in the world with your family.

Thanks dudes, though I really wish that someone would take after Scotty and invent an instant tele-transporter jobby so that our homeward journey is a little easier.