Will Power?!? What's That?

I have no will power.

Not an ounce.

This sucks for many reasons.  One of the main reasons is that I really want a smoking hot body, but for this I know that I need to do two things: exercise and stop eating chocolate.

Soooo exercise.  Every day I tell myself that I'll do an 'Awesome Abs and Beyonce Bum/Arm/Leg/Everything' workout after Kalani goes to bed.  And then every night after Kalani goes to bed I end up: going to bed as well because I'm exhausted; tackling the crazy laundry pile or drinking wine in front of the tv.  More often than not it's the latter.  So, I then tell myself that I will DEFINITELY get up at 5:30 the next morning so I can work out then.  Definitely.  I even set my alarm before I go to sleep - THAT'S how committed I feel.  And then, at around 2am when I'm woken up for the 10 millionth time by the cats/toddler/bladder, I accept that there's no way on earth that I'm getting up at some ungodly hour of the morning when I could stay in nice warm bed instead.  And so I reset my alarm (which is an interesting exercise in the dark) and get up at my normal time in the morning just as unfit and unsmoking as I was the day before.

The other way to (apparently) lose weight is to eat well.  Hmmmm.... Well I DO eat well, I eat chocolate very well indeed thank you!  I always tell myself that one biscuit is enough, or just one slice of cake is more than adequate.  And then, just like magic, it's all gone.  All the biscuits AND the cake and even the chocolate chips that I pretend I buy for baking purposes..

So you can see that I have no will power. None at all.

Which brings me to the main point of this post.  Kalani.  He still wakes up every night.  Not just once, but a few times.  And pretty much every time he wakes,  I clamber into bed with him, give him a cuddle to calm him down, and then always fall asleep cuddling him.  Some nights I wake up in his bed and can't remember getting in.  And it's more common for me to wake up in the morning in Kalani's bed than in my own.

Now none of this is because I think that toddlers should sleep with their parents - not at all. I think Kalani should sleep by himself.  And every night before I go to sleep, I tell myself that tonight I will just comfort him with a little back rub and soothing word, and then return to my own bed.  But it never happens that way because I have no will power and choose sleep over the right thing to do every time.

But...

I don't really mind too much, because pretty soon he won't want me to kiss him or cuddle him or stroke his hair and rub his back.  That will be way too uncool.  So instead I accept the inevitable, and don't tell myself off too badly.  Instead I cuddle his small warm body into mine and enjoy these moments while I can.

Now... where did I put those biscuits?  Oops - they're finished already.

Sleeping with Liffey

My dad told me a story once, about his dad.  My poppa.

When Poppa was a little boy, he used to go to sleep lying on his back, with his arms straight by his sides.  As if he was standing to attention.  Because he wanted to be a soldier, so he practiced every single night.  Poppa ended up having a career in the British Army as a Brigadier.

So ever since I was quite young, I've believed that the position you sleep in morphs it's way into reality.  Sort of a "You Are What You Sleep"

So, keeping that in mind, here's a small excerpt from my brain as I'm trying to get to sleep ...

Oh, so cosy.

Mmmm.... cosy.

I love these flannel sheets - I'm really glad I finally got some.  They really make a difference.

Mmmmmmmmmm..... cooooossssssyyyyyyy....

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

My arms are crossed over my chest just like vampires and dead people in coffins.

I'M. GOING. TO DIE.

OH.

MY.

GOD.

Okay, calm down Liffey.  It's just a comfortable position to lie in.  Just put your arms by your side and stop getting upset.  

Breathe.

Relax.

Okay... I'm relaxed.

Mmmmm... cosy.

Yup - definitely glad about the sheets.  

Glad about the hot water bottle too - this country is cold.  

Brrrrr - okay, don't think about the cold.  Imagine you're on a warm beach, and you can feel the sand between your toes, and ....

*yawn*

Sooooooo coooosssyyy.

Warm.

Mmmm....

Toasty.

Sleepy

Sllllleeeeeeeeep ......

AAAAARRRRGGGHHHHHH.  MY ARMS ARE TRYING TO KILL ME

Yup folks, a night in bed with me is far from boring!

Sunday Spirituality

This afternoon Dan took Kalani off to visit his family, and I stayed at home.  To do some work (the bill-paying kind) that I needed to get done by Monday.

Anyway, it only took an hour or so, and after I'd finished I looked outside at the sunshine and the newly fallen snow, and decided to go for a walk.

Best idea I've had today.

The sky was a brilliant blue, and the sun was bright and warm and optimistic.  The snow on the track was just the right kind of snow for walking in.  Fluffy and not too deep.  Everything was covered in snow - white and clean and fresh and new.  The birds were singing and chirping and having little afternoon parties in the trees.  The stream gurgled loudly beside me.  The people I passed were all happy and I even made friends with a cute little dog.

Perfect.

I really needed this walk - the last few days have been pretty crappy, but today has made me feel like a new person.  I came back happy and content and a little bit sweaty since I'd put on way too many layers (I tend to over-compensate for the cold).  I really felt like I'd shed all the negative, poo-buminess of the last little while and I'm ready for whatever comes next.

Happy Sunday people.