Tuesday, 12 February 2013

Will Power?!? What's That?

I have no will power.

Not an ounce.

This sucks for many reasons.  One of the main reasons is that I really want a smoking hot body, but for this I know that I need to do two things: exercise and stop eating chocolate.

Soooo exercise.  Every day I tell myself that I'll do an 'Awesome Abs and Beyonce Bum/Arm/Leg/Everything' workout after Kalani goes to bed.  And then every night after Kalani goes to bed I end up: going to bed as well because I'm exhausted; tackling the crazy laundry pile or drinking wine in front of the tv.  More often than not it's the latter.  So, I then tell myself that I will DEFINITELY get up at 5:30 the next morning so I can work out then.  Definitely.  I even set my alarm before I go to sleep - THAT'S how committed I feel.  And then, at around 2am when I'm woken up for the 10 millionth time by the cats/toddler/bladder, I accept that there's no way on earth that I'm getting up at some ungodly hour of the morning when I could stay in nice warm bed instead.  And so I reset my alarm (which is an interesting exercise in the dark) and get up at my normal time in the morning just as unfit and unsmoking as I was the day before.

The other way to (apparently) lose weight is to eat well.  Hmmmm.... Well I DO eat well, I eat chocolate very well indeed thank you!  I always tell myself that one biscuit is enough, or just one slice of cake is more than adequate.  And then, just like magic, it's all gone.  All the biscuits AND the cake and even the chocolate chips that I pretend I buy for baking purposes..

So you can see that I have no will power. None at all.

Which brings me to the main point of this post.  Kalani.  He still wakes up every night.  Not just once, but a few times.  And pretty much every time he wakes,  I clamber into bed with him, give him a cuddle to calm him down, and then always fall asleep cuddling him.  Some nights I wake up in his bed and can't remember getting in.  And it's more common for me to wake up in the morning in Kalani's bed than in my own.

Now none of this is because I think that toddlers should sleep with their parents - not at all. I think Kalani should sleep by himself.  And every night before I go to sleep, I tell myself that tonight I will just comfort him with a little back rub and soothing word, and then return to my own bed.  But it never happens that way because I have no will power and choose sleep over the right thing to do every time.


I don't really mind too much, because pretty soon he won't want me to kiss him or cuddle him or stroke his hair and rub his back.  That will be way too uncool.  So instead I accept the inevitable, and don't tell myself off too badly.  Instead I cuddle his small warm body into mine and enjoy these moments while I can.

Now... where did I put those biscuits?  Oops - they're finished already.

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