Scary hairdresser

My hairdresser is a bodybuilder. Do you know how intimidating that is? Not only do I have to deal with the normal scary "going to the hairdresser" stuff (leaving with an 80's Banarama-esque hairstyle; dealing with loads of glamorous women; having to stare at myself in the mirror for hours on end). I also have to pretend that I'm at least half as healthy as the Intimidating Bodybuilder Hairdresser. Here's a summary of our conversation ...

• IBH works out 5 times a week for 2 hours at a time. I work out once a month for around 30 minutes (and that's a pretty good month).
• IBH goes on 5 hour mountain biking sessions. It takes me at least 5 hours to get through the mountain of laundry each week. 
• IBH eats 6 small meals a day to keep up her energy because she has so much muscle mass to keep going. I eat 6 meals a day because I need food energy to stay awake. (hmmm... maybe I'm not doing so badly!)
• IBH only eats organic, doesn't eat chocolate or ice-cream or any food that she hasn't freshly prepared herself. I had to hide my muffin that I'd brought along as a snack.
• IBH has an amazing body. I have a muffin top, saggy boobs, a ginormous bum and flabby everything. 

On the up side though, IBH is really nice, looks around 30 though she's actually 48 and she gave me a kick-ass haircut to take home with me..... where I ate my muffin in guiltless peace.