Saturday, 25 February 2012

I had a dream ...

No, not that kind of dream, a 'dream you have when you're sleeping' kind of dream.

It was pretty sad, and probably caused by my writing about everything that happened early last year, and then getting lots of comments and messages back about it (which has been amazing btw - I'm really feeling the support and the love!).

Anyway, in my dream, Sam Neil (or someone who looked a lot like him) had lost his wife and was raising his 2 children with another woman in place as the step-mum.  The step-mum wasn't really mean to his children, but she most definitely was not loving to them either.  And even in my dream I remembered being so sad and upset for his children, and just wanting to give them a big unconditional filled-with-love hug..  

Then this morning, Dan and I went to a financial planner guy and sorted out life insurance for both of us.  As part of this we're going to have to do a will and name a guardian for Kalani in case we both die.

Oh my god.  We need to find someone else who will raise our child for us.

We have people who could do this, of course we do, but no-one (with the possible exception of my mum) would love Kalani like we do.  No-one would be as tolerant of his tantrums and stubborness as we (mostly) are.  No-one would watch him dance, and play guitar, and sing, and think he is the most amazing thing to ever happen to their life.

This makes me so sad.  Then I think of all the children that don't have either one of, or both their parents, and I become even sadder.  Then I think of all the children who have parents who are abusive, intolerant, uninterested and I become even sadder and quite angry.

Depressing stuff, isn't it?

BUT, I am alive, and so is Dan, and we do love K, and everyday we show him this as much as we can (even when he's being a little ratbag).  So if something does happen then hopefully Kalani will always remember that he was once the most important person in the world to 2 people.  And actually, he will always be the most important person in the world to someone.  A third person.  Himself.

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